


Pinky And The Brain drabbles

by KB9VCN



Category: Pinky and the Brain
Genre: Drabble Collection, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2018-08-28 18:56:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 1,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8459134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KB9VCN/pseuds/KB9VCN
Summary: Published 5-Mar-2016; humor; 100 words.For the 31_days "think and wonder, wonder and think" prompt.This contains political humor.  Reader discretion is advised.





	1. Imponderable Presidency

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 5-Mar-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[think and wonder, wonder and think](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3171011.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains political humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Two lab mice watched the US 2016 election news with horror— the same as most of the rest of the world.

"These presidential candidates are the weakest in modern times!" Brain cried. "Pinky! Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

"I think so, Brain," said Pinky. "But we still don't know who put the bop in the bop-she-bop-she-bop." 

"No, Pinky! A third-party candidate might be viable! I'm going to run for President of the United States Of America!"

"But we've already had [an episode when I was elected President](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Pinky_and_the_Brain_episodes)," Pinky said. "Remember?"

"Oh." Brain sighed. "Well, back to the drawing board."


	2. Take-Over Take-Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 2-Nov-2016; humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[my indifference to the world grew vast](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3266685.html)" prompt.

"Gee, Brain! What do you want to do tonight?" Pinky asked.

"The same thing we do every night, Pinky," said Brain. "Try to take over the world!"

"But isn't the world mostly covered by oceans?" Pinky asked. "Why do we need to take over the oceans? There's nothing out there but fish, a few boats, and more fish."

"I hadn't thought about that," Brain admitted reluctantly. "Very well. We shall try to take over the thirty percent of the world that isn't covered by oceans."

"And what about Antarctica?" Pinky asked. "It's covered by water too. It's just that the water that's covering it is really cold."

"I suppose we could remove Antarctica from consideration, as well," Brain agreed.

"And large areas of Africa, Asia and Australia are also uninhabitable," Pinky added.

"FINE," Brain said impatiently. "We shall concentrate our efforts on the forty percent of the thirty percent of land that is arable."

"But most of THAT is productive farmland or protected forest," an unexpectedly knowledgeable Pinky said. "We wouldn't want to risk famine or ecological disaster."

"Can we at LEAST try to take over the CITY!?" Brain asked.

"No," Pinky said sadly. "We can't afford the property taxes."


	3. Narf Mouse Narf Biscuit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 18-Apr-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[dreams are here before you sleep](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3316945.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place a year after "[A Pinky And The Brain Christmas](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Pinky_and_the_Brain_episodes#ep8)."
> 
> This contains obscure references. Reader discretion is advised.

_Twas the night before Christmas,_   
And all thru the lab,   
Not a creature was narfing,   
Not even a—

"NARF!!"

"I stand corrected," the Brain said. "Pinky, if you don't go to sleep, Santa can't deliver your presents."

"What if we're on the 'naughty' list?" Pinky asked. "Last year, we pretended to be elves and infiltrated his toyshop."

"That's true," the Brain admitted. "Perhaps we could exchange gifts instead. Do you want something in particular?"

"All I want for Christmas," Pinky declared, "is a [Dukla Prague away kit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBmFuySb_Qw)."

"It's an unusual request," the Brain pondered, "but it's easier than the WORLD."


	4. No One Knows My Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 13-May-2017; humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[it's not that they're hiding; it's just no one thought to ask](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3324655.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> See also "[No One Knows My Plan](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1EgtZuhhiyI)" by They Might Be Giants.

A woman sat on a public bench next to two white mice. "Hello," the woman said politely. "Are you new to this area?"

"We've just arrived in this city," the Brain said. "Actually, we're lab mice carrying out a plan to take over the world."

The woman raised an eyebrow. "I take it you don't believe me," the Brain said.

"Well, I don't disbelieve you," the woman said. "But shouldn't that be a secret?"

"Soon enough, EVERYBODY will know my plan!" the Brain cried. "Right, Pinky?"

"Know what, Brain?" asked Pinky.

"The PLAN."

"What plan?"

"The PLAN to TAKE OVER THE WORLD!" the Brain said. "The PLAN I spent FOUR HOURS explaining to you last night!"

"Oh, THAT plan," Pinky said. "Sorry Brain. When you try to take over the world every night, it all becomes a blur."

The Brain turned back to the woman. "Honestly! Do you see what I have to work with?"

"Well, I would LOVE to hear ALL ABOUT your plan," the woman said with a sweet smile.

The Brain blinked in surprise. "You would?"

"Yes." The woman produced a badge. "I'm with the FBI."

"Oh, fiddlesticks," the Brain said sadly.

"OOH! SHINY!" Pinky said. "ZORT!!"


	5. Of Megalomaniacal Mice And Men

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 11-Jul-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I just wanted to rule the world. Men do it all the time; why shouldn’t I?](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3327585.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).

"Why so glum, little chum?" Pinky cheerfully asked a brooding Brain.

"I've been studying the biographies of the most successful conquerors in recorded history in order to emulate their success," the Brain said. "And I've found that they all have one thing in common."

"What is that?" Pinky asked.

"Raving loonies, the lot of them," the Brain said.

"Well," Pinky said, "ONE of US is crazy— and I KNOW it's not YOU!!"

The Brain smiled. "You always know what to say to make me feel better, my fatuous friend."

"Have I really gained that much weight!?" an alarmed Pinky cried.


	6. I Say, Old Brain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 25-Sep-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[a gentleman can have it all](https://31-days.livejournal.com/2593257.html)" prompt (back-posted to AO3 only).
> 
> See also "[Just Like A Chap](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiRPBCiJg2c)" by Mr. B The Gentleman Rhymer (among others).
> 
> This contains extremely random humor (even for PATB, and even for me). Reader discretion is advised.

"Pinky! Are you ready to to begin tonight's plan to take over the world?" the Brain shouted.

Pinky walked up, wearing an 1880s-style tweed suit, a straw hat, and a fake waxed mustache.

The Brain sighed. "That would be a 'no'."

"I can't help you tonight," Pinky said. "I'm pursuing my dream of becoming a 'chap-hop' artist."

The Brain face-palmed. "Since WHEN was THIS your DREAM!?"

"I supported YOU when you tried to become a [country-and-Western singer](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OEsMEu_y4Y)," Pinky said sternly.

"You have a point," the Brain admitted. "Well, you do have the ridiculous accent for it."

"In-DUBIT-ably!" Pinky agreed. "NARF!!"


	7. No Spill Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 22-Oct-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[My mind would. Only my blood wouldn’t](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3329101.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> See also "[No Spill Blood](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PM8cmDpIFLo)" by Oingo Boingo.

"Brain, I'm worried about tonight's plan to take over the world," Pinky said nervously. "Are you sure that no one will be hurt?"

"Fear not, Pinky," the Brain said confidently. "No blood shall be spilled this night."

"That's a relief," Pinky said. "As a lab mouse, I don't have very much blood to spill."

"What kind of ruthless dictator would I be," the Brain said, "if I forced my subjects to commit violence at my selfish whims?"

"A typical one?" Pinky asked.

"Well, yes," the Brain said, "but *I* am not typical!"

"Truer words were never spoken," Pinky agreed solemnly.


	8. Sunbeam Him Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 13-Nov-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[what to do with daylight](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3329779.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).

The Brain found Pinky snoozing in a sunny corner of their cage. "Pinky!" he cried. "Get up and go to bed! We're taking over the world tonight!"

"Sunnnnnnbeeeeeam," said a sleepy Pinky.

The Brain tried to drag Pinky to bed— and leaned into the sunbeam. "MUST— STAY— AWAKE!!" he cried as he collapsed next to his cage-mate.

"If we could cover the world with sunbeams," the Brain pondered, "EVERYBODY would fall asleep, and the world would be ours for the taking."

"Sunnnnnnbeeeeeam," Pinky agreed.

"Unfortunately," the Brain said, "I am currently incapable of voluntary muscle movement."

"* _naaaaaaaaaaarrrf_ *" Pinky said weakly.


	9. Defective Retrospective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 30-Dec-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I want your midnights](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3330148.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains past slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

The Brain found Pinky writing in a notebook. "Have you begun keeping a diary?" the Brain asked.

"It's more like a journal," Pinky said. "I wouldn't want to forget all the FUN we have every night."

"Perhaps reviewing past failures would help us improve future plans," the Brain said thoughtfully.

"'Tonight, we tried to take over the world, but were crushed under an anvil'," Pinky read. "'Tonight, we tried to take over the world, but were crushed under an anvil'... 'Tonight, we tried to take over the world, but were crushed under an anvil'..."

"Or perhaps not," the Brain whimpered.


	10. You Forgot Uranus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 30-Jan-2018; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[once more](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3331131.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains suspect humor (duh). Reader discretion is advised.

"Our plans have failed once again," a resigned Brain said to Pinky.

"At least we weren't crushed under an anvil this time," Pinky said.

"Be that as it may," the Brain said, "our failed plans HAVE left us trapped inside a deep space probe that's on a collision course with the planet Neptune."

"Still," Pinky said, "look on the bright side."

"There's a BRIGHT SIDE!?" the Brain cried.

"Before we crash into Neptune," Pinky said eagerly, "we'll get to see [Uranus](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6w-twUo9Xc&t=33s)— UP CLOSE and PERSONAL! NARF!!"

"It IS important to have something to look forward to," the Brain said insincerely.


	11. Hang Together Or Hang Separately

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 20-Feb-2018; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[together we can overcome any problem](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3332043.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).

Pinky pulled the Brain back up over a cliff's edge and back to safety during their latest adventure.

"Thank you, Pinky," the Brain gasped. "Despite your stupidity, I don't know what I'd do without you."

"If we pull together as a team," Pinky declared, "there's NOTHING we can't do!"

"That's an admirable sentiment," the Brain agreed.

"Although we haven't had much success at taking over the world," Pinky added.

"Unfortunately, that much is true," the Brain agreed again.

"In fact," Pinky continued, "we've hardly accomplished anything more than just barely staying alive."

"Pinky, you're ruining our 'moment'," the Brain said.


	12. Over Work Week

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 6-Mar-2018; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[You rush a miracle worker, you get lousy miracles!](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3333751.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).

The Brain was explaining his latest plan to take over the world to Pinky. "...and then, we'll use the rubber chicken. What do you think?"

"Honestly?" a disappointed Pinky said. "It's not your best work."

"I have to agree," the Brain said sadly. "However, it isn't easy to do 'The Same Thing We Do Every Night' AND keep it fresh."

"Why don't you work a 'Tuesday Thursday Saturday' schedule?" Pinky suggested. "And we can both relax on the 'odd days'."

"EVERY day with YOU is an 'Odd Day'," the Brain noted.

"What a LOVELY thing to say!" Pinky cried. "NARF!!"


	13. Hearing Loss Leader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 7-Apr-2018; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[if you listen closely, even you can find it](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3336873.html)" prompt.

"Haven't we already tried to take over the world with with subliminal messages?" Pinky asked the Brain.

The Brain cued a reel-to-reel tape-deck with recording-studio speakers. "Yes, but that was a [country-and-western song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OEsMEu_y4Y). Subliminal messages should be more effective in [rock music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNunY2Mfz2w)— like THIS!"

He switched on the tape-deck, playing-back guitar-heavy rock music so loudly that the mice's ears were blown back.

After a few seconds, the Brain switched off the music. "On the other hand," he thought out loud, "subliminal messages will have no effect on the temporarily deafened."

"WHAT?" asked Pinky.

"PARDON?" asked the Brain.

"TROZ!?" asked Pinky.


	14. Ungrounded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 13-May-2018; humor/parody; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I walk my days on a wire](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3337647.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

"Pinky, are you busy?" the Brain asked unnecessarily.

"I'm just [arranging our food pellets by size](https://twitter.com/MariusPole/status/227074148738953218)," Pinky said.

"Good," the Brain said. "Hold these cables... like this."

"What are you doing?" Pinky asked pleasantly.

"I just want to see," the Brain said, "[if my interociter can withstand a sudden charge of sixty thousand volts](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkLLpiCpqQ0&t=1m2s)."

He threw a switch— and electricity coursed through both him AND Pinky, along with their entire metal cage.

The Brain somehow shut off the power. "Apparently it can," he said as he collapsed, "but the grounding cable CAN'T."

"* _naaaaaaaaaaarrrf_ *" Pinky agreed weakly as he also collapsed.


	15. Narf Dumb And Blind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 8-Jun-2018; horror?/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[red lights at 3AM](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3338841.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains minor slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

The Brain awoke to find moonlit blood-red eyes above him.

"GAH!!" a startled Brain said. "PINKY!! Why are you awake!?"

"Sorry Brain," Pinky said. "'Nature calls'."

"Your red-light-reflecting retinas are remarkably terrifying!"

"I'll close my eyes, then," Pinky said. "Excuse me—"

"OUCH!!" the Brain said. "You're STEPPING on my TAIL!!"

"I can't see," Pinky said. "Let's try this. * _narf_ *... * _narf_ *... * _narf_ *..."

"WHAT in the NAME of SANITY are you DOING!?" the Brain asked.

"Echolocation," Pinky explained.

"You're a LAB MOUSE, not a BAT!! We're in a CAGE, not a CAVE!! AND!!"

"And?" Pinky asked.

"YOU'RE STILL STANDING ON MY TAIL!!"


	16. Take A Giant Step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 16-Jul-2018; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/) "[observations of the minute](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/3286916.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[Take A Giant Step](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9feyTWtWIA)" by the Monkees.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Two lab mice were standing on a busy street corner and watching people go about their lives.

"It might have been easier to take over the world," Pinky said, "if it were smaller or we were bigger."

"Ah, but our small size is also an advantage," the Brain said. "It gives us a unique perspective."

As if on cue, a pedestrian stepped on them.

"From MY perspective," Pinky said weakly, "we should find someplace safer to people-watch. ZORT!"

And then, another pedestrian stepped on them.

"I've quickly come to share your perspective on this urgent matter," a crumpled Brain agreed.


	17. Re-Pellet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 23-Aug-2018; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/) "[in your mouth, rain and sugar](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/3305357.html)" prompt.

A lab worker put food and water in the mice's cage. But it wasn't the usual food pellets and sugar water.

"Carrots and celery!? And plain mineral water!?" the Brain cried. "What kind of cruel hoax IS this!?"

"I didn't think we needed to go on diets," Pinky agreed. "Getting crushed under anvils is quite slimming."

"Well, let's at least try to enjoy it." The Brain took a bite of celery, and then, a sip of water: 

"* _crunch_ * * _crunch_ * * _crunch_ * * _crunch_ * * _crunch_ * * _crunch_ * * _crunch_ * * _crunch_ * * _GULP_ *... * _slurp_ * * _slurp_ *"

"...it's literally not as good as it sounds," the Brain said sadly.


End file.
